Deep Breaths

So in early February, I decided to go and see my gynecologist because I was extremely tired all of the time and wanted his advice. We decided, after discovering that I was very anemic due to my period, that I should have an endometrial ablation. The week before the procedure I had an ultrasound and biopsy done just to make sure that there was "nothing else going on" as my Dr. phrased it. Two days before my scheduled procedure Dr. W called me while I was sitting at Jack's tennis lesson and told me that we had to cancel the ablation because my biopsy came back with complex endometrial hyperplasia with atypical cells with well defined margins of carcinoma. Dr. W explained that while he was not giving me a diagnosis of endometrial cancer that day...I was one step away. So, 6 days later I was in the surgery center having a D & C to get a better biopsy. 3 days later, they told me that I did indeed have endometrial cancer which appeared to be confined to the very inner lining of the uterus and did not appear to be invasive. After several tears and freak-outs, 10 days later I was admitted to the hospital for a hysterectomy. The surgery went well...Dr. W was able to leave my ovaries in...but it was much more painful that first night than I had anticipated. After a day and night on a never ending cycle of morphine and Percoset I was home and feeling better but sore and tired. Later that night Dr. W called on his way home from the hospital to tell me that my pathology had come back and that the cancer cells were confined to one little cluster near the original biopsy site and they were not invasive...so basically we got it all out and there was no need for further treatments or a visit to the oncologist.

I was off of work for the entire month of February, getting lots of rest, help from Mom and Mom-in-law, and so many yummy meals from friends. I was all set to go back to work on March 2nd. On March 1st, Sophie was running around naked because that's what she does, and I noticed 2 small lumps under her left armpit. I immediately thought "lymph nodes" so I made her an appointment with Dr. W (different W) for that evening. Dr. W said that she was feeling several pea-sized nodes that are normal to feel, but also several that were concerning (the ones on her chest wall). So when she said that she would be calling the oncologist in the morning I proceeded to have a complete breakdown and continue to do so every day although I am able to do it quietly now. Sophie had a chest x-ray and blood work done on the 2nd. She was such a brave little girl as her vein blew and others rolled and she had to be stuck several times. Her x-ray and blood work all came back normal, including the "cancer screens." That was a half-sigh of relief. Dr. W said that the oncologist said that his first gut reaction was that Sophie has Mono. The blood test for Mono takes 3-4 days to come back so we are still waiting. We do have an appointment with the oncologist next Friday which we will keep even if it's just an appointment to make us all feel better (if she does have Mono).

So if you are reading this, please say a prayer for my baby, or send her positive thoughts if you don't pray. It is such a totally different feeling when it is my baby rather than me. I would rather have it back than give it to her (notice I don't even want to say the word?) I do feel in my heart that she is fine and will be fine after all of the tests are in but I am in a place that no Mommy should ever have to be in and my heart breaks for those who are or ever have been. I'll keep you updated.